Well, last weekend was eventful for all the wrong reasons....Dr. Hugh Douglas Holliday, Jr. is getting married this summer (mahzeltov!). His bachelor extravaganza was planned for the 3rd weekend in May. Hellbent on escaping New England, I feverishly checked flight prices as they fluctuated up and down never leaving the $500-600 range.....yikes. As we all know, it's who NOT what you know. 2nd lieutenant (or whatever his title is...) Lee Miller, a pilot for Delta Connection, offered up the golden ticket (so I thought). The infamous "buddy" pass. Whitney has twice used these to make her way to the southland with no trouble. Essentially, you are flying standby to wherever you want as long as you eventually return to where you came from (Lee's girlfriend buddy passed all the way to India and back). You get up early and try try try. Don't leave the gate until they push back. Even when it looks bleak, there is always that last minute seat. Unless of course you plan to fly to Florida, and your name is ME. On my maiden buddy voyage, Murphy's Law was put to the test. Leaving Thursday, I made it to Atlanta - NO PROBLEM! I even got out of Beantown on an earlier flight. Upon arriving in Atlanta, I found out that the flight before mine to the panhandle had been canceled due to a malfunctioning (insert part here). Now 65 randoms were trying to get anywhere on the panhandle from P'Cola to Panama City. Mind you, these later flights were at capacity. Did I mention that these jokers get priority over me? Why? They actually paid for their tickets. Go figure. Long story short, the closest I could get was Dothan, AL. Classy...the Hertz car rental gal stayed late to get me a car to make the 2hr drive to Destin at midnight. Like OJ said, Hertz will get you to the airport with an hour to KILL....
Anyways, the weekend was fine - Golf, drinks, junk food, and Russ Renfro's tales of the finer points of Fayette (pronounced "FAT"), AL. As I set to make my return Sunday, Lee called. "Getting out of FL is not looking good..." OH, JOY! I then began a tour of all of Bama's airports. My tour guide was Jeb. Stopping in Montgomery, I found out that my flight had been canceled! (applause) Thank goodness the boys were not far down the road...On to Birmingham where I came 1 seat and 30sec from getting onto a flight to Cincinnati. After not getting on the 1st flight to Atl., the 2nd got a flat tire and was grounded...The final flight of the day got me out with free cocktails to boot! (and across the aisle was Joy from My Name Is Earl who was giving her number/opinion to anyone who wanted it on our little RJ airplane). Upon arriving in Atl., I scurried to make the next to last flight out. Along the way to the gate, I saw Sam Beam 
(you may know him as Iron & Wine). His look is unmistakable (then again if I had been overserved I can see how you may think he was Zach Galifianakis). With all that hair on his face/head, I couldn't believe how skinny he was. As we 
passed, I locked onto him with the ol eyeballs, and he noticed said tractor beams - we stopped. In all my celebrity encounter glory, I said...."You're Sam Beam!" and then took off to my gate. Surely, he was confused....Much like the Kings of Leon when seen by me on a bathroom break at the Green Hills Regal - I mustered up, "Hey Guys! The New Album
is great......yeah, great.....!" Pretty good if you're a caveman....(Back on point, Greg!) I didn't make it on that flight. I didn't make it on the last flight (but an entire Guatamalan family did). I was stuck in the ATL. Thank God, Lee was in town that night. I woke at 4:30 the next morning to take MARTA (insert acronym here) to the airport. As my run of luck continued, MARTA got stuck, my ticket had to be rebooked via customer service when I got there (20min wait), and I did not get out on the 1st two flights.....I did make it back around Noon, and I was ready to go postal on anyone who so much as looked at me funny......what a whirlwind! Arriving (very late) at school, my classmates said, "What's wrong with you? You're not yourself lately."
(you may know him as Iron & Wine). His look is unmistakable (then again if I had been overserved I can see how you may think he was Zach Galifianakis). With all that hair on his face/head, I couldn't believe how skinny he was. As we 
passed, I locked onto him with the ol eyeballs, and he noticed said tractor beams - we stopped. In all my celebrity encounter glory, I said...."You're Sam Beam!" and then took off to my gate. Surely, he was confused....Much like the Kings of Leon when seen by me on a bathroom break at the Green Hills Regal - I mustered up, "Hey Guys! The New Album
is great......yeah, great.....!" Pretty good if you're a caveman....(Back on point, Greg!) I didn't make it on that flight. I didn't make it on the last flight (but an entire Guatamalan family did). I was stuck in the ATL. Thank God, Lee was in town that night. I woke at 4:30 the next morning to take MARTA (insert acronym here) to the airport. As my run of luck continued, MARTA got stuck, my ticket had to be rebooked via customer service when I got there (20min wait), and I did not get out on the 1st two flights.....I did make it back around Noon, and I was ready to go postal on anyone who so much as looked at me funny......what a whirlwind! Arriving (very late) at school, my classmates said, "What's wrong with you? You're not yourself lately."All I could wonder was....."How am I not myself ?"
Here's some Zach Galifianakis for our funny bones - everyone take a deep breath (read: me)
1 comment:
hilarious recap...i think the name that you are looking for (of the part of the plane that was malfunctioning) is the left falangie...happens all the time.
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